4 Christian Dating Tips Every Young Woman Should Know

A New Era

I’ve entered a new era of my life in the last 6 months: marriage. As a newlywed, I’m often in awe of my husband. I can’t help but feel incredibly blessed and undeserving of him. Everyday feels like a blessing– I’ve never been more happy to wake up in the morning. Ecclesiastes says it better than I ever could:

[9] Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. [10] For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! [11] Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? [12] And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

This new perspective has prompted a lot of thought into how I got to this point. When I look back at my dating history, I’m met with a lot of shame and regret. So many bad decisions and judgement on my part that made dating a lot more difficult than it should have been.

So I thought, if I could have given myself advice to save all that heartache, what would I say? What advice would I give to myself that might knock some sense into me? I see so many young Christian women who are in the same spot, and so many more my age and older agree with the sentiment that we wish someone would have stopped us from making certain decisions.

That being said, here’s the Christian dating advice I wish I had when I started dating:

Know Yourself

The most simple and difficult advice I have is to know yourself. 

It’s easy in theory, but the difficulty comes in practice. I mean it even sounds easy! Know yourself! And you might think that you do– but life usually has other ideas. 

When you’re young you’re constantly being asked to think of your future. “What do you want to do when you grow up?” was asked to me at least a million times. Maybe your high school was like mine and even required you to pick a career path to study in high school. You’re always thinking about it, but when you get out of high school you’re hit with a bigger problem: freedom.

That freedom is a wonderful gift that allows you to learn way more than before about yourself. You can often come and go as you please, make friends with whoever, and go to anything you want to go to at any time. Safe to say that you experience a lot that puts you out of your comfort zone and allows you to grow. And it’s from this growth that you learn valuable lessons about what you want, what you need, and where your strengths and shortcomings are.

Recognizing this means that you see benefits in someone who excels in what you don’t. Experience is the best way to find out. For example, I’m incredibly prone to looking at my situation with a glass half empty. Although I think he would disagree, my husband is much more positive than me. His positivity and encouragement is infectious. He keeps me close to God and looking at the world more positively. He has traits that I know that I don’t have and can benefit from.

Become The Right Person For Someone Else

What you might overlook though– is that finding the right person means becoming the right person for someone else. Just as we are called to have grace with others and bring correction (1 Thessalonians 5:11), others have the same calling to us.

Modern dating culture encourages getting “the ick” and dismissing people as soon as we experience any challenge or discomfort. If you are to have a Godly relationship, the other person is called to bring you further into your shared faith, which might require some hard conversations. Don’t be afraid of change, or of recognizing that you have faults to work on.

We are all fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the almighty God, but we have sin that refuses to leave our flesh. It’s unavoidable that we will sin over and over again, but the right thing to do is to work constantly to be closer to God. Be an example of that, and allow consideration of others meaningful correction.

Set Boundaries & Date To Marry

As a former believer in the false narrative that is “dating around”, I can tell you that it is not how we are to practice. When I spoke earlier about my former experiences to my husband, I was a personal victim to the idea that you should give others a try and see how it all works out. TL;DR: see if the other person is the right vibe.

The best way to date is to follow the Bible and the guidelines from God. The Bible is your ultimate guide to living the best possible life that you can. One of the most powerful verses in this respect of dating is this:

Keep your heart will all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

Think about this: the best way to fake something is to know what the real things is like and to mimic it. People will mimic Godly traits and lead you into thinking that they are. The more that you are in the Word and can discern Jesus, the more that you can discern imposters.

If a possible boyfriend or current boyfriend is pressuring you into un-Godly or dangerous situations, they are to be removed from your life. What I have experienced and still see most often from young women is men in their life trying to tempt them sexually. Paul states it best here:

[18] Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. [19] Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, [20] for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Glorify God in your body. This aspect of life is important, but important after you vet someone and can deem them worthy of spending your life here on Earth with. Don’t let there be a blur between girlfriend vs. wife behavior. Proverbs has a lot of great advice in it, and some of the most applicable for Christian women is chapter 31. I encourage you to check out my post on the true Proverbs 31 woman for more insight into girlfriend vs. wife behavior.

Be Grounded In Your Faith & Pray Often

A recurring theme of the Bible is a dependence on God. We must depend on God in all aspects of our life, especially in dating. What I really want you to take away is that you will truly have little difficulty finding the right person for you if you lean on God and listen for His voice everyday. God works in ways that we cannot understand, and the timing will be what He needs it to be. He states it plain here:

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

Song of Solomon 2:7

Being in your Bible, being in church, and praying is how we can learn how to live the most Godly life we can. If we’re ever lost, He gives us an answer:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

James 1:5

Remember that God is on your side as a believer. We are to be tools for His glory and worship in every facet of our lives. By staying in your faith and praying often, by staying true to Biblical guidelines and boundaries, and by knowing yourself in Christ, you are destined to honor God and to find a God-honoring husband. Because what really matters is that we seek God always.